Author: system

Written by : Family Dynamics Child Play Therapist

                    Marriage and Family Therapist, Ms. Lee Wai Zi

Growing up, we are seldom taught to express our emotions verbally. Schools and society focus on nurturing children’s cognitive, analytical, and problem-solving skills, so we are used to discussing things and opinions, and rarely express our emotions directly in words. Even when families communicate and talk to each other, we are not used to sharing our feelings.

Some parents may ask, “Isn’t it enough for me to express my care for my child through actions (such as hugging or kissing him/her)? Is it necessary for parents to verbally affirm and respond to their children’s feelings and needs?

While it is important for parents to express their love for their children through actions, it is also important for parents to respond empathetically to their children so that they can understand and accept their thoughts and feelings in a more concrete and tangible way. This not only strengthens the parent-child relationship and builds the child’s sense of security, but the child also learns how to verbally express his or her feelings and needs, which helps reduce the need for the child to express his or her inner turmoil through bad behavior.

In fact, the language of emotion is not the language we are used to. Many parents are concerned that affirming and empathizing with their children’s negative emotions may condone and exacerbate their children’s bad behavior. For example, when a child feels sad about the loss of a beloved object, parents are afraid that rehashing the incident will touch on the child’s sad feelings. Parents may say to their children, “It’s okay, just play with something else! or “Try to see if you can buy another one instead. Parents want to calm their children by solving their problems.

However, not only do children fail to learn from their parents’ responses how to access and understand their own feelings and effectively regulate their negative emotions, they also have no opportunity to learn from their failures and develop a sense of responsibility.

If parents can put themselves in their children’s shoes, understand their experiences from their children’s perspective, and try to tell them how they feel, even if it is as simple as “I think you must be very sad and upset about losing your beloved object. This is the most powerful support and comfort for children, giving them the confidence and courage to face the challenges of life.

Written by: Pang Chi Wah, Registered Educational Psychologist, New Horizons Development Centre

It is quite common for young children to become “shy kids” when they encounter strangers or find themselves in unfamiliar environments. How can parents help them break through this barrier and avoid hiding behind them every time they meet new friends?

Are Children Afraid of Strangers or Anyone?

In fact, shyness is a common experience for young children. They may not understand the motives or intentions of others, or they might feel scared in new environments. This is a normal reaction. Shyness is an inner psychological state, and parents should analyze their child’s reactions to different people to determine whether they are afraid of strangers or even shy around familiar faces.

If a child feels shy due to the unusual appearance or attire of strangers, or if they are in an unfamiliar environment with poor lighting or enclosed spaces, it is important to note that adults can also exhibit similar behaviors. Feeling shy or panicked in unfamiliar places or crowds is a normal reaction.

Gradual Exposure to Adapt to Environments and People

There are both extroverted and introverted children, as these are personality traits. Parents need to accept their child’s personality while also nurturing them to break through their limits. If a child remains shy for an extended period, it can hinder their exploration of the world, limit opportunities to enhance cognitive abilities, and reduce chances for social interaction and engagement in new learning experiences.

Parents should help their children gradually adapt to social interactions, moving from familiar to unfamiliar. Start with family members, then relatives, neighbors, friends, acquaintances, and finally strangers, slowly expanding the child’s social circle. Additionally, some children may not be afraid of facing others but may feel uncomfortable in certain unfamiliar environments. Parents should regularly take their children to different new places to expose them to new experiences, helping them learn to remain calm and increasing their social comfort zones. However, parents should not rush this process.

Developmental Issues Can Also Cause Shyness

Moreover, parents should be aware of potential developmental issues that might lead them to mistakenly perceive their child as shy, or that may actually be the root cause of their shyness. For instance, if a child has hearing development issues, their ability to respond to and receive sounds will naturally be poorer than that of a normally developing child. Similarly, if a child is nearsighted or farsighted, their inability to see clearly can lead to feelings of shyness. If parents do not recognize that this shyness stems from vision problems, they may mistakenly believe the child is simply more reserved, overlooking the real issue.

Additionally, issues such as sensory integration dysfunction, social barriers, and poor coordination between different sensory channels can also lead to similar behaviors in children. If parents are unable to identify the underlying problems, they should seek assistance from professionals to diagnose the root causes and address them promptly, greatly reducing the impact on the child.

Written by: Certified Educational Psychologist Pang Chi Wah, New Horizons Development Centre

As the 21st century has entered the generation of electronic media, many parents are not used to buying newspapers, but have also become accustomed to communicating with people online, shopping, reading newspapers and playing games etc. Some parents have also started to buy fewer toys for their children because many games can be played online anytime and anywhere, which is convenient and economical, and the items are diversified and easy to carry.

In fact, the use of computers is becoming more and more popular, from the business world to the education world and everyone’s daily life. Some parents feel that they need to teach their children to use computers as soon as possible so that they can be one step ahead of others and become smarter. But this argument ignores the fact that no matter how diversified and comprehensive the use of electronic media is, everyone needs to live in the real world and deal with their daily lives in a real way.

In recent years, more and more children are being diagnosed with sensory integration dysfunction, some of which are genetic in origin, but some of which are caused by a lack of proper stimulation in later life. Regardless of the cause, society is increasingly demanding more and more of human sensory integration, but unfortunately, as young children grow up, their bodies are less likely to be switched to different space direction due to advanced technology, and their eyes and hands are left to complete tasks on their behalf without much coordination. They will need to face many challenges in the future, but if they are not sufficiently trained during their growth, they will easily encounter many obstacles in the future.

Playing with toys is a natural part of a child’s life, and if they have virtual toys or games, they may lack real personal sensory stimulation. During the infant and toddler years, parents need to provide them with sensory stimulation of the ears, eyes, hands, feet, body, and brain so that they can develop the coordination exercises they need. There are many toys available in the market according to their age, and the categories are very clear, such as 6 months play, one year play, two years play …… you name it. As long as parents are willing to buy, it is not difficult to find the right toys, such as hand-eye coordination, ear-hand interaction and ear-eye sensory integration.

In addition, parents may want their children to grow up to be teachers, police officers, lawyers, doctors, engineers, or bosses, so they can directly and specifically play the roles, manipulate the tools needed, apply appropriate language, and interact with people in a realistic way through toys. Parents are advised to buy such toys related to vocational skills to induce them to play in these roles, as opposed to just looking at a computer screen to fully grasp multi-sensory stimulation.

Although parents may spend a lot of money on toys, and the time spent playing with them may not be very long, it is definitely worth it to ensure that they get the stimulation they deserve. For a more environmentally friendly use of these toys, parents can also collect toys in three-month increments and resell them to other parents or give them to friends. Parents should remember to buy the right toys for their children’s development

Provided by: Unleashing Mind Professional Counselling Academy Psychotherapist Lee Wai-Tong

Often, impatient parents find themselves with children who move at a “slow” pace. For example, a little girl might be lying in bed when her mother calls her: “Get up, change your clothes…” But she continues to lie there. The anxious mother, unable to bear the ticking clock, might exclaim, “It’s too late!” and proceed to pull out clothes and accessories. Even if the girl stays lying down, her mother may lift her up to change her clothes and brush her teeth. In this process, the girl learns that by remaining unresponsive, her mother will ultimately do everything for her. This becomes a “reward” in her eyes, leading to a vicious cycle.

Thus, we often think it’s time for the child to speed up and learn to do things independently, rather than having the mother constantly urging her on or even helping her. At this moment, both sides face significant challenges. First, the mother must learn to control her anger. After all, this isn’t just a one-time issue; past experiences can leave a deep imprint on her. So, when she anticipates the next morning’s struggle to wake her daughter, she may already feel frustrated and impatient. With such feelings, it becomes difficult for her to give her daughter the space to dress herself. The first thing the mother needs to learn is self-regulation. What does that mean? It starts with telling herself, “Let’s start over.”

Secondly, the girl has learned that lying in bed without moving for a while will lead her mother to help her. Thus, for the daughter to find it easier to act, the mother must control her anger and allow her space to get dressed. Additionally, parents can offer rewards; for instance, they could designate the upcoming week as “Get Up by Yourself Week.” If the daughter can wake up and brush her teeth within 20 minutes, she could earn a reward, such as candy or an extra five minutes of playtime with her toys. This way, the daughter feels more motivated, and with her mother giving her space, she will gradually learn to do it herself.

After all the children finish their cake, they begin to play together. When Huen sees Cheng has a new toy car, he asks to borrow it, and Cheng agrees. Later, when Cheng sees Huen with a very special toy car and asks to borrow it, Huen flatly refuses. The mother tries to gently persuade Huen, but unexpectedly, he throws a tantrum, accusing her of only supporting Cheng, and tosses aside the car he had borrowed from Cheng, leading to an awkward situation. The author then asks at what age Huen began to display this behavior. His mother replies, “Actually, he started behaving like this at five years old. I thought it would improve as he grew older, but it has only gotten worse.”

“Why don’t you listen?” “Look at how well-behaved that child is.” Have you ever found these phrases familiar? The issue of children not listening is a common problem that many parents struggle to resolve. Some parents resort to scolding, which can worsen the parent-child relationship, while others choose to ignore the behavior, fearing their children will become worse as they grow up.

If you want your children to grow up healthy and happy while also being able to follow instructions, it’s actually not difficult—the key lies in the hands of the parents.

1. Avoid Bombarding with Demands

Put yourself in their shoes. Imagine that when you arrive at work, your boss immediately throws ten tasks at you. You would likely feel frustrated, unsure of where to start, and overwhelmed by the sheer volume of work. The same goes for children; receiving too many instructions at once can leave them feeling confused, and they may not have the ability to prioritize those tasks, leading them to simply “pretend not to hear.” Parents should wait for their children to complete one task before giving them another, rather than listing all demands at once.

2. Avoid Using Interrogative Phrasing

Some parents like to give instructions in the form of questions, such as “How about you clean up after eating?” For children, this is not an instruction but rather a question that they can choose to ignore. If parents want their children to clean up after meals, they should say directly, “You need to clean up after eating.”

3. Choose a Time When Everyone is Focused

When to give instructions is also an important aspect. Sometimes, when children are watching TV or using their phones, they may not hear your instructions at all; they might just respond with a reflexive “Oh” or “Okay,” and then forget completely. Parents can wait until after the children have finished watching TV, or directly ask them for a minute of their attention to ensure that they understand the request. Additionally, when making requests, parents should also put aside other tasks to model focused communication for their children.

by Mr Kwan, Principal of the Financial Education Academy (Regular Courses)

Someone once said, “Raising children in poverty may be the best form of education.”

However, born in an era of extreme material abundance, most parents have already become prosperous. On one hand, it is difficult to make today’s children understand the concept of “contentment,” and even harder to return to days of poverty to rekindle their “will” to understand how to live. But at the very least, parents should examine:

Is their own concept of money correct? Has it been influencing the next generation?

Don’t let children live in the same carefree way as adults.

Many times, the author observes a common phenomenon in life, where whatever adults do, children naturally follow suit. Indeed, parents always provide the best quality of life for their children, good food… good housing… good things… as if they have closed the gap of life between the two generations, creating an illusion where both generations share the same way of life as a matter of course. For example, can a five or six-year-old child have bubble tea with their parents? Do you see the issue here?

Have you noticed that many times parents (the world) inadvertently accelerate their children’s growth pace, and many education and psychology experts tell us that providing too much in life for children actually hinders their healthy development. Therefore, the author suggests that besides eating together at the same table and living under the same roof, parents should not actively push their children to the same level of living standards in life, aligning everything with the parents, because children lack financial capability, emotional maturity, complete development, and understanding capacity, among other factors.

So, the next time a child says to their parents, “You all have iPhones, I want one too,” I suggest that parents clearly tell the child, “There should be some distance between us in terms of lifestyle.” Especially when adults possess certain material possessions, let the child understand that our ways of life are not entirely the same. On the other hand, parents should explain the differences between us based on the diligence of adults in studying, being able to earn money in the future to support themselves and their families, and being able to use their savings to buy what they want. Take this opportunity to help the child understand how important it is to grow by oneself, and parents should impart a lesson to the child: start teaching them how to manage money, plan for the future, encourage them to enhance their life skills, find their own direction for striving, and not settle too early.

Parents should remember an important principle: “Love and cherish children without indulging them,” leaving room for children to grow, cultivating their ability to possess “good things” on their own, while teaching children about boundaries in life and gradually learning contentment, naturally understanding how to live for themselves. 

Written: Founder & Volunteer Director of Good Love Passion, Lam Ho Pui Yee

When a child is around 6 months old, they start babbling, constantly making sounds and single words. They also enjoy playing with toys that make sounds. However, even before they learn to speak, they already understand how to communicate with the people around them using crying, sounds, facial expressions, gestures, or body language. In fact, children first learn to communicate with people using facial expressions and gestures, then they learn verbal communication, and finally, they learn to communicate through text. Therefore, accurately recognizing other people’s facial expressions helps in assessing their emotions and attitudes, thus influencing a child’s cognitive development, emotional development, and social skills. Parents’ facial expressions, actions, and postures are often what children find most attractive.

Children observe and respond to their parents’ facial expressions and emotions. For example, a gentle expression can make them feel comfortable communicating with you, a smile can boost a child’s confidence in expressing themselves, and a nod from parents indicates acceptance. Through these developments, children gradually understand, learn, and care about people’s emotions. Different parts of the body express emotions in various ways, and expressions can be categorized into facial expressions, body expressions, and verbal expressions.

To establish good parent-child communication, parents need to pay attention to several aspects:

1．When children cannot clearly see their parents’ facial expressions, it is recommended to use actions as a substitute for speech responses. For example, hugging them tightly, giving them a kiss, gently stroking their hair, or gently touching their cheeks are all important non-verbal communication methods.

2. If parents can embody a childlike and expressive role in their daily lives, children can learn a wealth of emotions and expressive skills from their parents’ facial expressions. This will undoubtedly benefit them throughout their lives.

3. Many parent-child interaction patterns involve “non-interaction” – even though they are together, there is no eye contact, conversation, message exchange, or actions, and there is no emotional sharing because everyone is watching TV, using the computer and phones, or doing their own things. Eye contact can train focus, so regularly gazing at each other with caring eyes and listening to each other’s sharing is one of the conditions for good communication.

4. Creating a quiet and simple environment helps children concentrate. True and comprehensive communication happens when they can clearly see your facial expressions. Therefore, it’s appropriate to turn off sound-producing items like the TV, tablet, or take away their beloved toys during communication.

On the journey of a child’s growth, parents who are willing to provide unconditional love and ample communication space make children feel accepted, allowing them to break free from their cocoon. Children love it when their parents appreciate them, so encouragement often has a greater impact, whether through eye contact or speech; both can be used more frequently.

Written by: Octopus parent, Mr. Leung Wing Lok.

I’ve heard many parents share their experiences, and within the three years of kindergarten, the biggest concern is the transition to elementary school. How much should be done for the child? Should interview classes be arranged? Should extra English lessons or etiquette coaching (not a typo, there are actually training classes for etiquette) be arranged? Among the myriad of skills, is having sixteen talents out of eighteen enough? Or should the child learn niche skills to stand out, like magic tricks or acrobatics? Both parents and children are busy enjoying quality bonding time, especially when every activity has a purpose. As a result, attitudes change, and the child might lose interest in extracurricular classes.

Parents worry about selecting the preferred elementary school and creating resumes.

Especially for K3 students entering the “peak school application season” in June, parents and children face the decision of whether to apply to 10 or 8 elementary schools. As a father, you may hope to only apply to one or two preferred elementary schools, but can you bear the responsibility of “not providing enough education” for your child?

Source: Parenting Education Specialist, Ken Sir

“If you don’t eat well, I won’t let you watch TV tonight.” In daily parenting, we often teach children in the form of threats, hoping that they will be obedient. But is this method effective? Will it backfire?

One time when I was taking a minibus, I saw a grandmother with two grandchildren getting on the minibus. As soon as they got on the bus, the two grandchildren immediately sat in the back seat, while the grandmother chose to sit in a single seat near the door. As soon as she sat down, she turned around and said to the two grandchildren, “I’m telling you to sit back next to me right now, or else I’ll leave you two here when we get off the bus.” As a result, one of the grandchildren shouted loudly from the back. What was he shouting? “You always say that; I don’t believe you.” This incident demonstrates that many parents are used to threatening their children during their childhood.

What are some examples of this? “If you don’t eat, I’ll turn off the TV,” or “If you don’t finish your homework quickly, there won’t be any ice cream for you tonight,” etc. In fact, these methods of parenting often make children treat things as unimportant. If parents frequently use these types of threats, their children will grow up and no longer take them seriously. Therefore, parents must remember that when we ask children to do something, it is best to directly tell them what we want them to do without adding too many elements of threats or coercion.